Road Kill

I will meet my demise at the hands of a well groomed thirty-something white female behind the wheel of a large luxury sport utility vehicle. Okay probably not, only the good die young so I will likely live to be a kooky old fart. But lately I have been in fear for my life especially when I first arrive at work. I have mentioned this before but I work in a large building on a large business complex, subsequently we have more than a dozen multi-level parking structures. Because of the thousands of employees who work here all of these facilities become completely full shortly after 9:00 am. With this in mind you can imagine what the competition for prime spots (anything below the third floor in each structure) can be like in the fifteen minutes before 8:00 am. I liken it to the day after thanksgiving in your favorite retail establishment in the pre-Christmas shopping rush. No less than three times in the last two weeks I have found my self jumping back into the “Safe Zone” between parked vehicles to avoid being crushed by the afore mentioned parking zealot. These divers all share some characteristics; a female who has stood on her breaks and offered an “O face” by way of an apology because she was traveling too fast and too focused on scanning for the vacant space where she can cram her seven passenger M-1 Abrams four wheel drive grocery wagon. So if you are one of these drivers please slow down and watch for slow moving pedestrians like me who are too fat to be jumping in between cars or sprinting across the traffic lanes, I know you are running late and I will forgive you for near misses. But I feel certain that I will be much less forgiving once actual contact has been made.